Some people are very easy to be around.

They notice what is needed before it is asked for. They soften disagreements and know how to make a room feel comfortable. Being around them rarely feels like hard work.

What is less visible is how much they may be doing to make it feel that way.

Being easy to be around can mean noticing everyone else’s mood before checking in with your own. It can mean adjusting your tone before you have decided how you actually feel. It can mean needing less, or appearing to, because it keeps things simpler for the people around you.

Over time, this can start to feel automatic. You may not remember deciding to be this way. It may simply be the version of you that other people have come to expect.

Being described as easy to be around, or low-maintenance, can sound like a compliment.

It can also describe someone who has learned to keep their own needs out of the way.

This does not mean something has gone wrong with you. It often develops for good reasons. Perhaps it kept things calmer at home. Perhaps it made closeness feel safer, or made you less likely to be left.

Counselling is not a place where you need to keep being easy.

You do not need to manage how your feelings land before you mention them. You do not need to decide whether a need is reasonable before it is allowed into the room. The space does not need to stay comfortable at your expense.

There can be room here for something less convenient. For a need or a feeling that has not been smoothed over. For a version of you that does not have to be so easy to hold.

You are allowed to take up more room than other people have come to expect.

If you have become used to setting yourself aside, you are welcome to get in touch.